I typically don't go for girly drinks, but I like margaritas. (What are "girly" drinks? Easy! Anything that doesn't start with "BE" and end in "ER" or anything that doesn't involve something from a bottle labeled "Jack Daniels" can be considered a girly drink.) This recipe, like most recipes, was borne of necessity. My family and I went to the beach for vacation last week and I wanted to make margaritas for me and the missus. However two trips to two separate grocery stores revealed a shortage of those little frozen limeade canisters, so I had to make due.

2 parts Simply Limeade (Simply Orange brand, its with the yogurt and milk and cheese and stuff)
1 part tequila (Heavyarms advocates reposado or añejo tequilas, or at least a good (not harsh) oro)
1 part triple sec (no preference here)

This mix is simple and sweet and easy to drink. If the people that make Lemonheads made Limeheads and then someone made a drink that tasted like that, this is what it would take like. If it's too sweet for you, squeeze a lime in to it. After 1 I'm feeling "confident." 2 and I've all the courage in the world. 3 and...well, I never make it past 3.

For the love of God, don't put salt on it, and don't use it to make frozen margaritas. Salt is for dorks, tourists, and people that don't know any better. Frozen is for girls. (Not just girls, but girly girls at that.)

I really hadn't planned on posting so soon after my last one, but I posted this on a message board I hang out on, and thought it was good enough to share:

...and sometimes get a nice punch in the nards, too!

So, yesterday I was sitting in traffic on a tiny little service road waiting to turn on to a busy highway. It was backed up a good eighth of a mile. "Screw this," I thought, and decided to cut through the parking lot of what was (I thought) a closed-for-business skating rink. I have done this probably 20 times in the last six months, and have NEVER seen a single car in the parking lot for this skating rink. Why do I do this, well, at the end of this access road is a stop sign, and people are always trying to turn left across this four-lane highway, DESPITE the fact that there is a "No Left Turn" sign.

It had been about six weeks since I took this little detour, and on this day I noticed that there were about six cars in the parking lot. I also noticed that there was a new sign up that said "Skate Galaxy." I said to myself, "Self, we better stop cutting through this parking lot. Looks like this joint is open."

Right as I made the left turn in to the parking lot, I see two Sheriff's deputies standing in the parking lot and one is motioning for me to stop. As I roll my window down, she says to the other deputy, "Here comes another one, you can handle this one." At this point she walks behind my vehicle to another vehicle that had just pulled in the parking lot and the other deputy walks to my window.

"How are you doing this afternoon?" he asks.
"Just fine, sir, and you?"
"Fine. Sir, were you cutting through this parking lot to avoid that stop sign?"

"LIE! LIE YOUR ASS OFF!" My brain was thinking.
"TELL HIM YOU WERE ON THE CELL PHONE WITH YOUR WIFE (this is true) AND YOU DON'T LIKE TO DRIVE AND TALK AT THE SAME TIME SO YOU WERE GETTING OFF THE ROAD UNTIL YOU FINISHED THE CALL!!!" (lie)
"TELL HIM YOUR CHECK ENGINE LIGHT IS ON (true, I need to replace the O2 sensor) AND YOU WERE PULLING OVER TO POP THE HOOD!" (lie)
"TELL HIM YOU NOTICED THIS PLACE WAS OPEN AND YOU WERE PULLING IN TO CHECK THE HOURS BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BRING YOUR KIDS!!" (lie)

"Yes, I'll be honest with you, I was cutting through this parking lot to avoid all that traffic. I didn't even realize this place was open again."
"Well, I appreciate your honesty, sir. may I see your license, registration and proof of insurance?"
"This is a ticket-able offense?"
"I'm afraid so, sir. Trespassing on private property to avoid a traffic signal. They have been complaining that a lot of people have been doing this and there are lots of kids in the parking lot."

About this time, the deputy and I both notice that the vehicle that the female deputy stopped was driving off and exiting the parking lot.
"You're letting her go?"
"She said she just pulled over to feed her baby."

The deputy turns his attention back to the vehicle and we both watch it turn left and exit the parking lot. He turns back to the other deputy, "Well, she ain't stoppin' to feed her baby. Don't you want to go get her?" The second deputy shrugs. He turns back to me to receive my license, registration, and proof of insurance, saying under his breath "I'd go get her, but hey, she's the supervisor." To me, "Let me go run your license and I'll be right back, you can pull over in the shade and park if you want. It's kinda hot."

"GREAT!" I'm thinking. "That cop was standing right there when someone probably just got out of a ticket by lying. He's going to see my spotless driving record, take in to account my being a stand-up guy and let me off with a warning. Whew! I'll never cut through this parking lot again. Man, I just learned MY lesson. You know, sometimes honesty pays off." I think I sprained my shoulder patting myself on the back.

The deputy returns to my vehicle.

"Sir, I need you to sign this form. Signing it is not an admission of guilt. There's a number on the back where you can call and get the amount for the fine. If you choose to contest the ticket, you have to appear in court on the date and time written on the front. You have a nice day and do me a favor, be real careful, okay?"

MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't be honest. Be a lying douchebag. Being honest costs you.

Costs you approximately $132.25.