Hyper-Spawn of Heavyarms at the USS Kidd & Veterans Memorial. From our father and son trip this Sunday to the LSU Museum of Art to check out Invasion: Japanese Robots from the Collection of Warren Schwartz. You can view some of my pictures of that collection here.

You see, Memorial Day used to be observed on May 30th. However, in 1967 the holiday became an official Federal holiday. The following year Congress passed the Uniform Holidays Bill. This bill moved the observance of three holidays; Veterans Day, Memorial Day, and Washington's Birthday; from their traditional day of observance to Monday. It also created a fourth official holiday, Columbus Day, which was to also be observed on a Monday. By observing the four holidays on a Monday, the bill's essential purpose was to give Federal employees more three day weekends.

To provide for uniform annual observance of certain legal holidays on Mondays...

What's the difference between Veterans Day and Memorial Day?
This question was posed to me last night by my wife (who, in a fit of confusion, mistook me for someone that knows something about something.) I have to confess that except for knowing that Veterans Day is the day we remember ALL veterans and Memorial Day is the day we remember those who lost their life, I didn't know what to say. Here's your history lesson for the week.

Memorial Day
Originally "Decoration Day," this holiday is the day we commemorate all U.S. men and women who died during military service to their country. This holiday began as a day to remember Union soldiers who died during the War of Northern Agression (the "Civil" War to you Yankees.) After World War I, the holiday was expanded to include all service personnel who died during any war or military conflict.

Many believe that the first "Memorial Day" was observed in 1865 by freed slaves and Union soldiers at a race track in Charleston, SC, site of a former Confederate POW camp and mass grave for Union soldiers who died in captivity. Many Southern states refused to observe Decoration Day until after World War I because of lingering hostilities towards the North. The term "Memorial Day" was first used in the 1880's, but did not become prevalent until after World War II. Memorial Day became an official Federal holiday in 1967.

To me, Memorial Day should be a more solemn day than Veterans Day, since it is the day we honor our dead.

Veterans Day
Observed on November 11, the signifigance of this date goes to the Armistice that was signed to end World War I, which was enacted on Nov. 11, 1918. Other countries observe Armistice Day or Remembrance Day on the same date.

Unlike Memorial Day, Veterans Day is the day we use to honor our living service members who have also sacrificed to serve their country. Originally called Armistice Day, in 1926 the US Congress passed a resolution that invited all Americans to observe the holiday. It became an official Federal holiday in 1938. Because of a grassroots campaign, the name was officially changed to Veterans Day in 1954.

Veterans Day was moved from Nov. 11 to the fourth Monday in October by the Uniform Holidays Bill. However, after protests from several groups who felt that changing the day of obeservance to create a three-day weekend cheapened its meaning, the official day of observance was changed back to Nov. 11. Many people believe that by doing so it had the opposite effect, however. Most businesses, schools, etc. choose to remain open on this day because of its proximity to Thanksgiving, and usually only government offices and banks are closed.

Thanks...

30 years ago we saw "A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away..."
30 years since we first read the opening crawl "It is a period of Civil War."
30 years since we saw a lightsaber for the first time.
30 years since Han Solo made the jump into hyperspace.
30 years since we were captivated by the phrase "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
30 years since a little trash can with legs made us laugh despite have absolutely no verbal skills.
30 years ago since we first heard the raspirator of Darth Vader.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STAR WARS!

God, I feel old.

Don't forget...
Monday is the day we observe Memorial Day. Don't forget to remember all the men and women that died so you could have a three day weekend and get a good deal on patio furniture.

ABC's John Stossel has written an article titled The Many Myths of Ethanol, and you may be surprised at some of the facts surrounding the wonder-fuel of the future.

The most obvious question, Stossel says, is "If Ethanol is so good, then why does it need government subsidies? Shouldn't producers be eager to make it, knowing that thrilled consumers will reward them with profits? But consumers won't reward them, because without subsidies, ethanol would cost much more than gasoline." Corn belt states started subsidizing corn growing during the oil embargo, and Uncle Sam followed suit a few years later. For almost 25 years, ethanol has enjoyed the benefit of government subsidies and is no closer to being a viable alternative to gasoline than it was when it started. Between 1995 and 2005, Federal corn subsidies cost American taxpayers over $51 billion.

Myth - Using Ethanol will save energy

Studies show that the amount of energy ethanol produces and the amount needed to make it are roughly the same. "It takes a lot of fossil fuels to make the fertilizer, to run the tractor, to build the silo, to get that corn to a processing plant, to run the processing plant," (The Cato Institue's Jerry) Taylor says.

And because ethanol degrades, it can't be moved in pipelines the way that gasoline is. So many more big, polluting trucks will be needed to haul it.

More bad news: The increased push for ethanol has already led to a sharp increase in corn growing -- which means much more land must be plowed. That means much more fertilizer, more water used on farms and more pesticides.

(David Pimentel of Cornell and Ted Patzek of UC Berkley) calculated all the fuel inputs for ethanol production—from the diesel fuel for the tractor planting the corn, to the fertilizer put in the field, to the energy needed at the processing plant—and found that ethanol is a net energy-loser. According to their calculations, ethanol contains about 76,000 BTUs per gallon, but producing that ethanol from corn takes about 98,000 BTUs. For comparison, a gallon of gasoline contains about 116,000 BTUs per gallon. But making that gallon of gas—from drilling the well, to transportation, through refining—requires around 22,000 BTUs.

A University of Minnesota study shows that even turning all of America's corn into ethanol would meet only 12 percent of our gasoline demand. As Taylor told an energy conference last March, "For corn ethanol to completely displace gasoline consumption in this country, we would need to appropriate all cropland in the United States, turn it completely over to corn-ethanol production, and then find 20 percent more land on top of that for cultivation."

Ethanol won't significantly reduce our oil imports; adding more ethanol to our gas tanks adds further complexity to our motor-fuel supply chain, which will lead to further price hikes at the pump; and, most important (and most astonishing), it may take more energy to produce a gallon of ethanol than it actually contains.

Wrong again. (A Stanford University study) indicate(s) that the standard mixture of 90 percent ethanol and 10 percent gasoline pollutes worse than gasoline.

Senator Clinton voted against ethanol 17 times until she started running for president. Coincidence?

So there it is. Ethanol, at least to me, seems to be nothing more than a White Whale, a wild goose chase, an...*ahem*...PIPE dream.

Sources
http://www.slate.com/id/21229...
http://www.ewg.org:16080/farm/region.php?fips=00000
http://www.realclearpolitics....

A billion seconds ago, it was 1976.
A billion minutes ago, Jesus had been dead for almost 70 years.
A billion hours ago, anatomically modern homo sapiens had not yet walked upon the Earth.
A billion days ago, homo erectus was still almost a million years away.
A billion months ago, dinosaurs still roamed the earth.
The United States Federal Government just spent a billion dollars in a little over 3 hours.

Calculations
60 seconds x 60 minutes x 24 hours x 365 days = 31,563,000 seconds/year. 1,000,000,000/31,563,000 = 31.69 years
60 minutes x 24 hours x 365 days = 525,600 minutes/year. 1,000,000,000/525,6000 = 1,902 years
24 hours x 365 days = 8,760 hours/year. 1,000,000,000/8,760 = 114,155 years
1,000,000,000/365 = 2.7 million years
1,000,000,000/12 = 83.3 million years

The federal budget for FY 2007 (October 2006-September 2007) is 2.8 Trillion ($2,800,000,000,000.00). The US Federal Government spends about $319 million an hour, almost $7.7 billion A DAY.

Yes, I ripped this off Rush (who ripped it off someone else).
Yes, I promised to post a "What I liked About Spider-Man 3" post, it's coming.
Yes, I realize this has probably been floating around for a while.
Yes, I have changed it to make sure it is current.
I don't care:

Back? Okay, let's get to it.

Background
During the Secret Wars story arc, Spider-Man and many other Marvel superheroes and villains are transported to a distant planet for the purpose of being pitted against each other in battle. Spider-Man's red and blue suit is damaged in battle and he is directed to a building where he can obtain a new suit. He enters the building and releases a black liquid. Upon being touched, the liquid covers Spider-Man and, reacting to his thoughts, replicates his Spider-Man costume. It also provides him with an unlimited supply of webbing (comic book Spider-Man uses web shooters with a limited supply of web fluid), and enhances his strength, speed, and agility. It also has the ability to mimic clothing and other appearances, so rather than having to dress in his red and blue suit, all Peter has to do is think and his clothing changes to his costume, eliminating the need to remove his clothes to reveal his costume beneath. It seems too good to be true.

It is. Peter is imbued with an adrenaline-like rush, and is much more aggressive towards criminals he confronts, which causes him to question his use of the suit. Peter learns that his new costume is an alien symbiotic organism that wishes to permanently bond with him. Spider-Man discovers that the symbiote is sensitive to sound, and, after the symbiote forcibly tries to bond with Peter, he stumbles to a church bell tower. The clanging bell forces the symbiote to detach from Peter and retreat into the church.

Eddie Brock
Eddie Brock worked as a photographer for the Daily Globe, a rival of the Daily Bugle, the paper that Peter Parker worked for. Brock was investigating a series of serial killings in New York perpetrated by an individual calling himself the Sin-Eater. Brock comes across a man confessing to the murders and interviews him for his paper, causing the Globe's popularity to surpass the Bugle's. However, Spider-Man catches the real Sin-Eater, and the man interviewed by Brock turns out to be a compulsive confessor. Brock is accused of being a fraud and is fired from the Globe, forcing him to work for tabloid magazines. As a result, he loses his wife, is disowned by his father, and the only work he is able to find is with tabloids. Brock obsesses over Spider-Man, blaming him for ruining his life. Brock becomes suicidal, and goes to a church to seek forgiveness from God.

Unfortunately for Eddie, he is in the same church where Peter removed the symbiote. Drawn to Eddie's suffering, it attaches to him. Both are surprised to realize that they both harbor the same hatred for Spider-Man, and set off to exact revenge on him, calling themselves Venom. Since the symbiote was bonded to Peter, it is able to share all of Peter's knowledge with Brock, his secret identity, where he lives. To top it all off, Venom is invisible to Peter's Spider Sense. For Spider-Man, fighting Venom is akin to fighting himself, only an insane, more powerful self.

See why I think each of the villains in this film should have been given their own movie? There's an incredible amount of back story here. The film barely glosses over it, and the Venom plotline goes like this. A meteorite lands on Earth, and tendril-ly black glob oozes from the meteorite and attaches itself to Peter's moped.

SIDENOTE:The meteorite, by the way, lands a few hundred yards away from where Peter and Mary Jane are watching shooting stars. Amazingly, Peter and Mary Jane don't notice. Most meteorites reach the Earth's surface traveling at terminal velocity, not fast enough to leave an impact crater. However, a meteor traveling fast enough to leave a crater would be, shall we say, noticeable. The Kaali Crater is a group of 9 craters in Estonia that range in size from 110m to 12 m in diameter. The explosion from that impact is estimated to have been greater than the force of the bomb at Hiroshima. I think they woulda seen that.

Later, Peter finally comes to the realization that the black suit ain't all its cracked up to be. After he accidentally hits Mary Jane, he decides he must get rid of the suit. He eventually ends up in the aforementioned church bell tower. Peter, in agony from trying to remove the suit, bumps against the bell and makes it ring, which enables him to remove the symbiote. Meanwhile, Eddie Brock is show below, praying to God, not for forgiveness, but for help in killing Spider-Man. His prayer is answered in the form of a brand new alien symbiote. All this happens in the space of about 30 minutes. We don't get a good feel for the balance between the black suit's benefits and its detrimental effect on his behavior. Eddie gets hired, gets fired, and all of a sudden he wants to kill Peter Parker (well, Peter did steal Eddie's girl, Gwen Stacy, from him, but it is never made clear if Gwen is actually Eddie's girlfriend or just a one-time date. Another thing they missed out on, Eddie as an unstable stalker.) Venom/Eddie is disposed of in a explosion from one of the New Goblin's Pumpkin Bombs.

So there it is, Spider-Man's greatest foe except for maybe the Green Goblin, and he's tossed in to the story and back out again in the space of about 30 minutes. Fortunately for us, there's an old comic book adage "No one ever stays dead except for Ben Parker." Spider-Man 3 could have been the best Spider-Man yet, if only they had focused only on the Venom character as the main villain.

Tomorrow, What I Did and Didn't Like About Spider-Man 3 Part 4: What I Actually Liked. Oh yeah, there's plenty to talk about.

Anyway, Gobby and Spider-Man have the inevitable showdown. A defeated Goblin tries to impale Spider-Man with the spear-tip of his Goblin Glider via remote control. However, Peter manages to evade this attack and Goblin ends up impaling himself. A somber Peter returns Harry's dead father to his apartment, which Harry witnesses. Harry assumes that Spider-Man was responsible for his father's death and spends most of the second film resenting Spider-Man and thankful that Peter, his best friend, is there for him. By the conclusion of the second film, Harry has discovered Spider-Man's true identity to be his best friend. Harry hears his father calling from beyond the grave to avenge his death. At the end of the film, Harry stumbles across his father's weapons cache.

At the beginning of Spider-Man 3, Spidey and the "New" Goblin, Harry using some Green Goblin weapons without the silly armor, have their first showdown in the skies above New York City. Spider-Man gets the drop on Goblin causing him to fall from his glider and land in an allyway below. This fall give Harry a head injury and causing him to forget the events of his father's death and his falling out with Peter. Harry only remembers that he, Peter, and Mary Jane are best friends. Eventually Harry regains his memory and sets out to exact revenge against Peter Parker/Spider-Man.

Here's where it falls apart. Harry decides to pick up where his father left off, and wants to hurt Peter's heart. Rather than threatening the lives of Aunt May and Mary Jane, Harry decides instead to...hold your breath, now...force MJ to BREAK UP with Peter. I know, it's too much to bear. Peter meets with Harry to for a little consolation, and Harry reveals to Peter that HE is the reason MJ broke up with Peter, because she is in love with HIM. *GASP!* This sets Peter off, and, under the influence of the black suit (more on that tomorrow), Peter and Harry have their final showdown, with Peter walking away virtually unhurt and Harry being horribly disfigured.

Sandman and Eddie Brock/Venom decide to kidnap Mary Jane in their plot to lure Peter out to fight them. Peter, having experienced Harry's ability firsthand, approaches his former best friend for help, knowing that Harry still cares about MJ. Harry, still believing Peter is responsible for his father's death, is unable to forgive him and refuses. After Peter leaves, Harry's butler approaches him and tells him something that he has never told him before. He says that the night that Spider-Man brought the dead Norman back to his apartment, he cleaned his wounds out of respect. He examined the wounds and found that they HAD to have been self-inflicted, so it is not possible that Spider-Man was his killer.

WTF? "Oh by the way, Mr. Osborn, I know you've been plotting against Spider-Man (and possibly your best friend) lo these many years as revenge for your father's death, so I thought you ought to know..." Maybe he could have spoke up a little earlier? That just screams Deus Ex Machina to me, a quick way to reach a resolution so the two can forgive each other and focus on the larger threat. And I hope that butler is well-paid since he not only provides his butlerian skills, but also has training in forensics, apparently.

Harry, realizing his error, races to help his friend. The resulting team-up is fantastic to watch and it is great to see two best friends fighting side-by-side to save Mary Jane. Unfortunately, there is no hope for a similar team up in future films because Harry dies during the fight.

Spider-Man 3 could have been so much better had it established Harry as a threat to Spider-Man throughout the film, and focused on his conflict with Spider-Man alone, only for the two to make amends later on in order to address an outside threat. As it is, the Spider-Man/New Goblin conflict is probably the best handled thread in this film, and could have been much better had the focus rested on this conflict rather than trying to sandwich it in with two others.

Tomorrow, the most important part:
What I did and didn't like about Spider-Man 3 Part 3: Venom

Sandman
We are introduced to Flint Marko as an escaped prisoner. Flint is on the run in a rundown part of NYC, and enters an apartment through the fire escape. Flint enters the bedroom of a young girl with an oxygen tube under her nose. Instead of harming her, simply looks at her sadly before stashing a stack of envelopes addressed to Penny Marko and stamped "REFUSED – RETURN TO SENDER." He moves to another room to change out of his prison uniform and then heads to the kitchen to get some food. Here he is confronted by a woman we assume is his (ex)wife and we learn that Penny is his daughter in need of medical treatment that her mother cannot afford. Flint offers to help try and pay for it but the wife does not want him around, what with his being an escaped convict and all, and being implicated in the murder of someone.. Flint tries to explain that what he is blamed for was not his fault, but she don't wanna hear it.

Flint sadly exits through the apartment before being chased by the police. He finally runs to a scientific testing site, falling into a pit of sand. Through the machinations of comic book science-fictionry he is exposed to some sort of energy that dissolves his body. The next day, he reconstitutes his body from the sand in the bottom of the pit, and is able to take on his original human appearance, among others.

BAM! There it is, that should have been Sandman's set up for the story. However, for some reason, the writers want to make the Sandman EVEN MORE relevant to Spider-Man, so they try to make HIM the killer of Peter Parker's Uncle Ben.

The story, as the film tells it, is that the man we ORIGINALLY thought killed Uncle Ben was Flint's partner in crime. As Peter was witnessing this man rob the wrestling promoter, Flint was outside trying to secure a getaway car. He forces Uncle Ben from the car at gunpoint as his accomplice runs up behind him. This startles Flint, causing him to accidentally shoot Ben. The accomplice drives off in the car, and Flint flees on foot, only (we assume) to be caught later.

So now you have to accept not only the coincidence that the man that robbed the wrestling promoter picked Peter's Uncle's car out of the hundreds in the area, but now you must accept that that man's accomplice, Flint Marko, is the one that picked Ben's car out of the crowd. Further, you must accept the coincidence that Marko was arrested on an unrelated charge, AND escaped prison, AND stumbled upon a secret scientific test, AND instead of dying was turned into Sandman. I know I'm watching a movie about a guy that has the powers of a spider, but still...

As for the change, I liked the way the first film set the story up. In the comics, Spider-Man learns of his uncle's death and chases after the suspect, only to realize that the killer is the man he let escape earlier thinking it was not his problem to stop him. The killer goes to jail, and Spider-Man must live with the guilt of knowing that had he stopped the man earlier, his uncle would still be alive. In the first film Spider-Man inadvertently causes the killer's death and must live not only with the guilt of knowing he could have saved his uncle's life, but that in his eagerness to exact revenge he caused the death of another person...double your pleasure. Now in this film, Spider-Man has the opportunity to (and does) forgive (forgiveness is the motif for this film) his uncle's killer, something he would not have been able to do if the film had left the first film's scenario alone. So, although he has to live with the guilt of the death of another human being, some of that guilt is retracted by being able to forgive his uncle's killer. Spider-Man's existence is supposed to be ridden with guilt, this serves as his fuel to help the people of New York.

The film also asks viewers to feel sorry for Flint Marko. He chooses a life of crime and performs criminal acts to help his sick daughter out. When Spider-Man confronts Sandman during an armored car heist, Sandman tells Spidey "I don't want to hurt you." Later he is confronted by Eddie Brock/Venom where they strike up a plan to entrap Spider-Man by kidnapping Mary Jane and agree upon this plan because they both want to kill Spider-Man. At the film's climax, after pounding the crap out of a helpless Spider-Man, Sandman tells him "This isn't what I wanted." Huh? Say that again? Exactly how does trying to kill Spider-Man help your daughter? If you are capable of getting away from Spider-Man, are nearly impervious to weapons, and you "don't want to hurt anyone" then why exactly would you choose to do so?

Sandman has always been a great foe for Spider-Man because he is so difficult to subdue. Enemies with a physical body Spider-Man can kick, punch, spray webbing on. Sandman, on the other hand, is made of sand and can get out of most Spider-Man tactics. However, this weakness is never really exploited in the film except for the one time Spider-Man tries to punch Sandman, and his fist goes completely through Sandman's abdomen with no adverse effect. In the comics, you always knew that Spider-Man was in for a royal rumble whenever Sandman showed up and Spidey would have to resort to some ingenious tactic or technique to stop his opponent.

The film could have focused solely Sandman handing Spidey a series of defeats before Spider-Man finally comes up with some way to stop him. Instead, the film resorts to the two having a glorified fist fight before Sandman is simply forgiven (for killing Uncle Ben, for pounding the crap out of Spider-Man, for trying to kill Mary Jane) and blows away in a cloud of sand. That's OKAY but it could have been so much better.

Tomorrow, Pt. 2: The New Goblin.

Spoiler Free Review

This is another visual feast for Spider-Man fans. It's great to see Spidey swinging through the streets of Manhattan. The relationship between Peter Parker, Mary Jane Watson, and Harry Osborn is explored a bit further, especially between that of Peter and MJ. The acting is great for a comic book film. All of the villains in the film are reliant upon computer generated effects, and the film does not disappoint as the Sandman, Venom (and the symbiote), and the "New Goblin" are handled well. I can't really recall a point where the film dragged (something that Spider-Man 2 did) and there was always something interesting going on. Tobey Maguire manages to repeat his fantastic portrayal of everyone's favorite geek cum hero, Peter Parker, and Kirsten Dunst does a serviceable job as Mary Jane.

Spider-Man 3 maintains the status quo. It doesn't really do much to top the previous two films, but it certainly does not detract from their reputation, either. This is certainly the BEST superhero film series, far surpassing X-Men, Batman, and Superman, with those series having both good AND bad films. You may be disappointed if you want to see a vast improvement over the previous Spider-Man films, but if you are a casual Spider-Man fan or at least enjoyed the first two movies, you'll be certain to enjoy this film as well.

!!!!!!!!!!!!SPOILERS!!SPO ILERS!!SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!! !!

Spider-Man has more put on his plate in this film that the previous two films combined. He's got to deal with not one, not two, but THREE villains this time around:

Sandman - Portrayed by I was skeptical when he was announced in the role. The only other film I've seen him in was as a Cowboy in the movie Tombstone, and all I could think about was his character Lowell Mather from wings. I worried I'd have the same problem here, but I think he handled the role well. Unfortunately, Sandman suffers from the same sort of sympathy complex we're supposed to have for previous villains, Doc Ock and the Green Goblin. We're, yet again, asked to feel sorry for Spidey's main foe. We had to feel sorry for Goblin because he was the father of Spidey's best friend. We had to feel sorry for Doc Ock because he sacrifices himself to help Spider-Man save NYC from destruction.

Venom - Portrayed by Topher Grace, That 70's Show's Eric Forman. Venom is unnamed in the film except for the closing credits. The film holds true to the symbiote's alien origin, having it arrive on Earth via meteorite. The symbiote eventually bonds with Peter, which results in the black suit. In the comics, the symbiote grants Peter with enhanced spider powers. He is able to shoot unlimited webbing (unlike the films, Peter must use web shooters with a limited supply), has even more enhanced strength. When bonded with the Venom symbiote, Peter becomes violent and aggressive, almost to the point of killing. Peter has to decide between using the suit and benefiting from it enhanced abilities, or getting rid of it to avoid its drawbacks.

This is touched upon in the film, with Peter becoming more aggressive and sure of himself. The conflict he must go through, although brief, is handled well. By the time Peter realizes he must stop using the black suit, the symbiote isn't quite as willing to let go of Peter.

The New Goblin - Harry Osborn, Norman Osborn's son. Initially, Harry reveals to Peter that he knows his secret identity and he is going to make him pay for killing his father. During their battle, Spidey knocks his friend from his new glider causing him to fall to the ground and sustain a severe head injury. The injury makes Harry suffer from short-term amnesia, forgetting all he knows about Peter, Spider-Man, and his father's death. Eventually, Harry regains his memory and decides to entrap Peter and entice him into a duel. Unfortunately for Harry, Peter is under the influence of the Venom symbiote (below), and is no longer reluctant for fighting his friend. After their fight, Harry learns from his butler that Spider-Man, indeed, was not responsible for killing his father. For this, Harry ultimately decides to help his best friend in the film's climatic finale.

So there it is, Spider-Man resolution must be reached between all three conflicts, not to mention Peter Parker's own continuous internal conflict between being Spider-Man at the expense of his relationship with those he loves, and being himself at the expense of the rest of New York. All that, shoehorned into two hours left me feeling like I had just eaten at a Chinese Buffet. Sure, you're full and content when you first leave the theater, but eventually, you realize that the film's substance was only briefly touched upon, and leaves you feeling a bit empty. Again, that's coming from the viewpoint of a 31 year old lifelong Spider-Man fan. If you go into the movie just expecting a solid two hours' worth of entertainment, you'll certainly find it, and ultimately enjoy it.

Tomorrow, what I did (and didn't) like about the film.

Please check it out, and tell all your geek friends.

Some group calling itself The Humane Society of the United States is running a bunch of frequent radio ads (I mean two and three times an hour) telling us that we need to ban cockfighting in the state. I, for one, am opposed to the ban, not because I support cockfighting (never been to a fight/match/round, whatever they call it) but because I don't want a bunch of hoity-toity holier-than-though punks coming here and telling us how to run our state. We've been fucking it up quite well since the days of Huey P. without your help, thanks.

Case in point... the local news has been showing footage of a shouting match between some people in the State Capitol building. From what I could tell, one person was anti-cockfighting and the others were was pro. The clip starts out with the "lady" telling cameras "I said to my friend quietly that 'These people are ignorant' and he came up to me and started harassing me." The guy she's yelling at makes a dismissive gesture and turns around and walks away, so the "lady" starts following him, pointing with her pen and yelling. The report starts talking over the exchange here, so I can't hear what she's saying, but the audio kicks back in and another one of the pro- people telling the "lady" to "look at your paper in your hand." The "lady" starts yelling at THIS person "If you can read it, YOU read it!" Another person steps in and tells the "lady" "Don't holler and don't point your finger." So she starts yelling at THIS guy "Don't you talk about me, nobody was talking to you! Go fight your birds and GO GET A JOB. Earn money LEGALLY without being cruel to animals! AND GET BETTER DRESSED!" Of course, she did what most liberals do, and has to resorts to insulting the "less intelligent, uneducated people" beneath her and based on her attitude and accent I can guarantee you she wasn't from Louisiana. You can view the whole exchange here.

The other thing is, right now, our state is locked in a fight with the state of Alabama to lure ThyssenKrupp, a German steel manufacturer, into building a steel mill here. The company is set to make a decision at the end of this week. Alabama's legislature was in a special session to try and hammer out the details of an offer to try and entice ThyssenKrupp into picking Alabama. The legislature in my state was debating on whether or not to make it a felony for a couple of morons to get together and watch roosters scratch and peck themselves to death.

Basically, I've taken toys from my extensive (my wife would say) collection, put them in poses, put some speech bubbles in with Photoshop, and away I went. The main "cast" will be the different Optimus Prime figures I have (nine right now, soon to be 10 in May when my Generation 1 re-release figure comes.) I'll also be tossing in some GI Joe figures, Star Wars figures, whatever I've got sitting on the shelf.

It's going to be a weekly comic, updated every Friday (hopefully).

Please help me spread the word around. If you know someone that likes this kind of stuff, and they've got five minutes to waste (key word being "waste," here), let them know. If you like it, let me know. If you don't, keep it to yourself.

It's Raining
It's raining outside. Not that pansy sprinkly-showery kind of rain that the guys in Oregon and Washington get, but a nice hard Gulf of Mexico powered line of thunderstorms that have been pounding us since about midnight last night. The local radio station has broken in and is now providing LIVE coverage of the fact that its raining and the streets are flooding. Callers are calling in and telling us that they are having trouble getting down such and such a road, and the on air guys are telling us where the accidents are, etc.

My question is, who at the radio station thought this was necessary? Don't people have windows? You can SEE its raining, does this radio station REALLY think its necessary to provide an hour and 40 minutes of coverage (and counting) to say "Boy, its really wet out there?" I switched stations.

Update And In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida is on. ROCK!

2) I would make it company policy to enforce the "Speedy Checkout" lanes. If it says "20 Items or less" then, by God, you better have 20 items or less in your shopping cart. If some old grandma pulls up with three weeks worth of groceries, my cashiers would be trained to say "I'm sorry, ma'am, but this is an Express Checkout lane. This is for customers who need to get in and get out in a hurry. Please move to a regular lane." Sure, it might piss grandma off but it will make the 5 customers behind grandma very happy. Let's see...five HAPPY customers versus ONE unhappy customer? Fuck you, Grandma.

2a) You could only pay with cash or a credit card in Express Checkout Lanes. No, grandma, you can't write me a check.

3) I would make the aisles in the store wide enough that there would be room for at least three shopping carts abreast because it pisses me off when I'm trying to get from one end of the aisle to the other and some woman who's trying to decide what brand of brown sugar to buy won't move her cart out of the middle of the aisle. I would also prohibit the use of hanging racks at the end of the aisle that protrude into this space.

4) I would make it company policy that during the Christmas shopping season, at least half of every store's checkout lanes should be open from the hours of 8am to 8pm. There's no sense in having 40 checkout lanes if my stores are only going to use five.

5) Store employees would be required to wear khaki pants and a white shirt. T-shirts with a picture of Tupac or a marijuana leaf on it would not be allowed. Employees would be required to wear their blue vest at all times because, dammit, I said so.

6) Every department would have a store representative at all times. If some kid wants to buy a goldfish, there's no reason mom and dad should have to walk way the fuck over to cosmetics and ask for help.

7) Every employee would be cross-trained in the basics of other departments because, after mom and dad ask for help with the fish, there's no reason they should have to wait another 20 minutes because the fucktard that stocks lipstick in cosmetics can't scoop a fish out of the tank and put it in a bag. I ain't asking her to go to the deli and slice me some turkey, but hell, I can get the fish out of the tank myself if you'd just unlock it.

8) My pharmacy would not be allowed to check people out unless they had 10 items or less. It's a pharmacy. You are there to get your medicine and that's it. If you want to grab a pack of rubbers while you're at it, fine, but don't come up there with the shit you need to change the oil in your car. I reiterate, it's the pharmacy, not Pep Boys.

9) I would have an employee near the magazine rack at all times. That way those little adolescent punks couldn't tear out the pictures of chicks in bikinis from Muscle & Fitness and Hot Rodder Magazine to go home and beat off, screwing over the person that comes and buys that magazine.

10) My Deli/Bakery workers would be trained so that if a customer replies to the question "Can I help you?" with "Uhhhhhhh," they would immediately ask the next person in line if they could help them instead. If you get to the front of the line and haven't made up your mind what kind of lunch meat or birthday cake you want, get to the back of the line. NO SOUP FOR YOU!

12) My "Greeters" would actually be trained to "greet" customers entering the store. And by "greet" I mean "Genuinely smile and say 'Welcome to Wal-Mart.'" You may be stuck in this job and unhappy about having to stand there all day and smile for minimum wage, but there's probably a REASON why you're in this predicament. You probably haven't got the job skills employers are looking for, so all you can do is stand in the doorway and smile and put a sticker on the stuff people are returning. Want to make more money? Learn how to run a cash register or slice lunchmeat.

13) Likewise, I would absolutely FORBID my "Greeters" from stopping customers and asking them for their receipts when they know damn good and well that customer just checked out at the register right behind them.

14) Employees that put opened returned merchandise back on the shelf for sale would be terminated immediately.

15) I would PAY to have an off-duty police officer patrol my parking lot at all times. Every single motherfucker that illegally parked in a handicap space would receive a ticket. Being too fat to walk from the back of the parking lot to the front without getting out of breath is not a good enough reason to screw over the guy that's missing both his legs. Maybe a little exercise would do you some good, lardass.