I was just on the cusp of being too old for them back when the Turtles were originally fashionable. I was in Junior High where it was okay to play Nintendo, but not cool to play with toys.

I was first exposed to the four ninja-trained turtles during the summer of 87 or 88 at Boy Scout camp. A fellow scout was reading this comic book. The art work was all black and white, which at the time, usually represented smaller "independent" comics. "Whatcha readin'?" I asked. "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," he replied. "Whowhatnow?" "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." "That's sounds stupid."

It was new, I had never heard those four words used together in sequence like that. It's hard to imagine that today as the Turtles eventually became embedded within popular culture. But at the time, the phrase "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" sounded as alien as anything I'd ever heard.

I read it, I was entranced. The storyline was mature. The Turtles were gritty, they fought and they bled. The bad guys were human, and they actually died. Growing up in a world with the A-Team and GI Joe where bullets (or lasers) were fired indiscriminately but no one ever died, it was brand new for me.

My little brother, somehow, got exposed to the Turtles with the animated show. He instantly became a fan, and made a deal with my parents that he'd get a Ninja Turtle action figure for every A on his report cart. He had a fairly sizeable collection by the end of the school year (nerd!) He informed me that there was an animated series, so we started getting up on Saturday mornings (around 5:30 or 6, don't remember) and watched the show. It was a little more kid-friendly (well, a LOT more kid-friendly), but I still enjoyed the show.

Soon after, we learned that a live action film was being made. We were there on opening night to see it. It was fantastic. Jim Henson's Creature shop did the suit effects with latex and animatronics in a time when Computer Graphics where in their infancy. We loved it. I think we probably saw it 3 or 4 times in the theaters and I know we've watched it at home enough to wear out our video tape.

I tell you all that to get across the message that I am a Ninja Turtles fan, and feel that they are as much a part of my childhood as Star Wars and Transformers/GI Joe. In fact, I sort of hold the Turtles as the remnants, the last vestiges of my childhood before transitioning into adolescence, where such things become "uncool" for whatever reason. I was excited when the newest movie was announced because not only was it going to be a treat for me, but it was my son's first chance to experience the Turtles on the big screen (he already had a mild interest in them, watching the current show on Saturdays).

I know the Turtles have their detractors. Some people say they are too violent, and that children shouldn't be exposed to something like that. Personally, I believe "violence" has its place. The Turtles never fight unless they have to. In fact, Donatello (the purple one) is almost a pacifist and historically has tried to find a way out of having to fight, not out of cowardice but out of his concern for others, even bad guys. But sometimes a bully backs you into a corner, and you either punch him in the mouth or you become a victim. I've tried to teach this to my son, that sometimes you don't have other options, and what makes you a good or bad person is not the choice to have a violent reaction, but in having the judgment to know when that violent reaction is your last resort and thus must become your course of action.

Review
Okay, enough blather, on to the actual review of the film.

The film does not waste time rehashing the story of the Turtles creation (they got tossed in the sewer, fell into a puddle of green glowing ooze, blah blah blah.) This film picks up in the middle of their "story." Leonardo (the blue one) was sent to South America alone to study and meditate in an effort to make him a better leader for the group. It's a year after he was supposed to return, and no one has heard from him. April (the Turtle's long-time human friend, voiced by Sarah Michelle Gellar...who's yummy) has decided to go looking for him and finally corners him in the jungle after hearing stories about a "ghost" in the jungle. She finds him and asks him to come back to New York, but Leo says he's not ready.

Meanwhile, the story of a great military commander thousands of years ago is told. He and his four generals went forth and conquered the world. He stumbles across an ancient secret that will allow him to become immortal. However, the penalty for using this secret is that his four generals are turned to stone statues. In current New York, this commander has taken the form of Max Winters, who has been trying to locate and collect the four statures in order to restore them.

That's the set-up, I don't want to spoil the rest for those of you who have not seen it. The movie itself was great. There was enough there to keep both a 31 year old and a 6 year old occupied. The story line itself may have been a little too complicated, but my son seemed to understand it when I talked to him about it. There are 13 MONSTERS involved, and my son got a little spooked at first, but was okay. The monsters aren't really portrayed in a scary fashion, but more as a physical threat that both the Turtles and Winters are trying to stop. No different that the television series. If you let your kids watch that, there's nothing here that they won't have seen already.

Historically, Raphael (the red one) has always been the group's angst-ridden loner type, and a little resentful of Leonardo's assumed leadership of the group. However, nothing more than a few wisecracks and verbal barbs have been traded between the two in the past. Raph never really challenged Leo for leadership, and Leo never really has to do anything to defend it. In this film, the two actually have a showdown (and probably the film's most exciting fight sequence). Raph tells Leo that HE should be the leader because he's the one that has been there and Leo "ran away." Leo tells Raph that he shouldn't challenge him for leadership because Leo is better than him. That sets off the fight. I won't spoil it for you, but let's just say that the fight is not without its consequences, and the two learn that the most important thing is to iron out their differences because they are family.

Graphically, the film is nice too. The characters are portrayed with slightly cartoonish appearances, but their textures are real. The turtles have typically pebbly reptilian skin. During the Raph vs. Leo fight, it starts to rain, and their skin starts to look wet and slimy, just like a real turtle. The film's animation studio Final Verdict
I don't have a problem with the "violence" in this film. If you're having trouble decided, I'll ask if you've let your kid see either of the last two Star Wars films (Episodes II and III). If so, the level of violence is on par with Episode II, and is well under the level of violence of Episode III. This movie really comes off as an extended "episode" of the television series (although can certainly be viewed as a stand-alone product), and the fights and storyline are no more violent or controversial than the tv show. If you're having trouble deciding, check out one of the show's episodes. If you think your child can handle an hour and a half of that, then you won't have any problem with the film.

I would recommend that any TMNT fan goes and sees the film, but you've probably already done so.

Did you know that, since capturing the British sailors, the Iranians have given two locations for the incident? The first, which the British seem to agree with, is over 1 mile in Iraqi water. Then the Iranians revised the position to over 2 miles in Iranian territory. Iran right now, is demanding the British apologize for violating the Geneva Convention, then proceed violate it themselves by showing the British sailors on television.

Tony Blair has now said that he wants UN condemnation of the Iranian actions. That reminds me of that scene in Team America where Hans Blix confronts Kim Jong Il regarding his WMDs.

Blix: Mr. Jong Il, you MUST allow our weapons inspectors in to your country.
KJL: Hans, Hans, Hans, we've been over this a dozen times. I don't have any Weapons of Mass Destruction, okay?
Blix: Nevertheless, you have to allow our inspectors in...or else!
KJL: Or else what?
Blix: Or else we'll be very angry with you, and we'll write you a letter TELLING you how angry we are.

All I have to say is thank God this didn't happen to our sailors and Marines. If they had fought, they probably all would have died. If they didn't fight, we'd be in the same boat because most of the people in this country and those running it are a bunch of pussies who wouldn't have the backbone to confront a bothersome neighbor.

Pit Bulls
Why are people still allowed to own pit bulls? On Tuesday in Baton Rouge, we had a police officer responding to a domestic dispute attacked by a pair of pit bulls. Thankfully, both dogs were shot and one died.

Earlier in March, a pit bull attacked a 13 year old boy. The attack lasted for over 20 minutes. A man in the neighborhood say the attack and tried to lend a hand, but was unable to pry the dog's jaws loose. He tried to strangle the dog, and it eventually loosened its grip enough for the man to get the dog to let go. The victim's calf muscle was ripped off, completely to the bone. He has undergone numerous operations to rebuild his leg, and as yet is unable to walk.

Last night, a woman was on the news because a pair of pit bulls broke into her back yard and attacked her six month old puppy. They literally tore the dog in half.

Pit Bull defenders say that Pit Bulls have a bad rap, that they are not even responsible for the majority of dog attacks. Fine. Maybe Golden Retrievers are responsible for more dog bite cases (I don't know this for a fact, I just pulled the breed out of a hat.) But you don't hear about a Chihuahua that attacked a child and ate his face off. You don't hear that a Collie mauled a victim so severely that their arms had to be amputated. That's because normal dog attacks usually result in stitches (but sometimes can be more severe.) Pit Bulls MAY be responsible for fewer attacks than other breeds. But Pit Bulls don't just attack. They are large and strong, and they MAUL their victims. Pit Bulls eat faces, rip off muscle, and maim people. Every owner of a Pit Bull says the same thing, "I just can't believe it. The dog was always so sweet and calm..." And they just snapped. And it only takes one time.

I am not an animal hater. I like animals. I LOVE dogs. I love my dog. Pit Bulls aren't dogs. Pit Bulls are monsters and they should all be destroyed.

President Roslin has another dream about human-cylon half-breed baby Hera, so does Athena (Hera's mom) and Caprica Six (Cylon.) Roslin, Athena, and Six discover that they each had the same dream at the same time.

Col. Tigh tells Adm. Adama about the music he's hearing, and Adama tells him he'll look into it. Tigh doesn't believe it, and tells Adama "There's too much confusion!" After Adama leaves, Tigh mutters "There must be SOME kinda way outta here." (I think to myself - "uhhh, All Along the Watchtower?")

Some more courtroom antics play out. Baltar's former advisor Felix Gaeta takes the stand and tells the court that he personally witnessed Baltar sign the death warrants of over 200 colonists on New Caprica, and that Baltar didn't even pause in signing it. Gaeta is lying as he was not there when Baltar signed the warrant. He did actually sign it, but did so with a Cylon holding a gun to his head.

The defense moves for a mistrial, Baltar as well as the judges object. Baltar's lawyer takes the unusual step of calling Apollo to the stand. He questions Apollo on his father's statement that Baltar does not deserve a fair trial, Apollo refuses to testify against his father. Baltar's lawyer switches tactics and asks Apollo if HE thinks Baltar deserves a fair trial. The prosecution objects, saying that Apollo is counsel for the defense and if he wants to make a statement he should do so during closing arguments, not under the guise of testimony on the witness stand. The judges, against any assumption of logic whatsoever, say that Apollo should be allowed to "testify" and Apollo goes on to give testimony" that sounds nothing like actual "testimony" and more like a "closing argument."

Apollo says that the colonists should "forgive and forget." Everyone forgave him for shooting down a civilian passenger liner (in the episode 33, the ship was suspected of being infiltrated by Cylons. Adm. Adama was forgiven his attempted coup of President Roslin while she was leading them to New Caprica. But no one seems willing to forgive Baltar for collaborating with the Cylons on New Caprica. He says that if they had followed Roslin's lead, they would have fought the Cylons and been wiped out. Because of Baltar "collaboration", 44,000 survivors made it off New Caprica.

The council convenes for about 5 minutes and comes back with, of course, a 3-2 verdict of Not Guilty. The courtroom goes apeshit and Baltar is whisked away before he gets torn limb from limb. Apollo, Baltar and his lawyer meet in a ready room with Baltar celebrating his victory. Baltar asks his lawyer to remain on "his staff," but is told that their association is over. Apollo does the same. Baltar comes to the stark realization that, despite being acquitted, he is now probably the most reviled man in the fleet, and he has no where to go where he will not be known on sight. He is last seen wandering down the corridors of Galactica with a meager box, all his possessions, and he's getting the cold shoulder. Suddenly, he's confronted by three people who tell him to come with them, they're going to take him to "a new life."

Tyrol, Tigh, Anders, and Tory, all of whom were hearing "music" in part 1 that no one else can hear, are seen walking through Galactica chanting "'There must be some kinda way out of here,' said the joker to the thief. 'There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.'" They eventually run in to each other in a room and hear each other chanting that song. They each come to the realization that they are Cylons, four of the Final Five.

The fleet has just undergone an FTL jump to the Ionian Nebula, believed to be one of the final steps to finding Earth. Immediately upon entering the Nebula, the entire fleet experiences a power failure and begin drifting aimlessly. Emergency power is restored at the very instant that three Cylon Basestars appear and begin disgorging fighters.

The scene cuts back to the four newly discovered Cylons as the alarm is sounded. "What do we do" asks one. Tigh tells the group "We do the same thing we always do...we fight!" He says that he may be something else, but he is an officer first and will do his duty.

Apollo is seen walking the halls of Galactica when the alarm sounds. He hesitates briefly as a group of Viper pilots run past him, before rushing to his quarters to get his flight suit and helmet.

Apollo is in the cockpit of his Viper, flying to catch up with his flight group when he is buzzed by a fast moving craft. He radios in that he is moving to intercept and flies headfirst into the nebula. After a brief search he sees a lone Viper in formation with him. As the pilot turns to look at Apollo, he sees that it is Starbuck. Starbuck tells Apollo to relax, it really is her. She says that she has been to Earth, and she's going to lead them there.

The final scene shows the camera pulling back out of the Ionian Nebula, past the fleet and finally to a point outside the galaxy. It then begins to zoom in to a different part of the galaxy, past some recognizable gas giants and finally to a familiar green and blue planet.

So that's it for this season.

The Good
Starbuck returns! Hopefully she will play a big part in the next season.

The Bad
After jumping in to the Ionian Nebula, the fleet is traveling in the same direct. However, after losing power, the ships are show adrift in different directions. If you're traveling in a straight line in space and lose thrust, you'll keep moving in a straight line. You won't go adrift like a boat in the ocean.

The Ugly
Scifi says that Galactica will return in 2008. What the hell? Oh well, I guess if they had stuck to a regular production schedule, Season 3 would be just now starting. Season 1 concluded in April 2005, and Season 2 premiered only 3 months later.

I'm curious to see how they reconcile the connection to Earth and All Along the Watchtower.

$2,900,000,000.00 (that's BILLIONS, folks) in Gulf Coast releif spending
$1,400,000,000.00 in assistance for farmers who lose lifestock because of natural disasters
$1,000,000,000.00 for bird flu vaccines
$750,000,000.00 for Health Insurance for children of THE POOR
$400,000,000.00 for energy assitance for THE POOR
$283,000,000.00 in milk subsidies
$100,000,000.00 in food aid for Africa
$74,000,000.00 in peanut subsidies
$25,000,000.00 in spinach subsidies

All of this in a bill that was intended to help fund the war and provide our troops with equipment. Of course, this is a brilliant move for the Democrats. If the bill passes, they get funding for all their little pork spending projects. If the bill does not pass, the Democrats can point their fingers and say "SEE! WE'RE TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR THE TROOPS! THE REPUBLICANS ARE THE ONES WHO DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM!" (See, 'cause Democrats don't do anything but yell.)

And the media reports nothing that can't be included in a 30 second soundbite. And the American public, for the most part, remains blissfully ignorant.

I can't express to you how much I despise this woman. She's been ineffectual as a leader, and she stood their on her pudgy elephant ankles when Katrina hit and did NOTHING.

I was listening to a local radio talk show last night, and this was the topic of conversation where most callers agreed with my general sentiments. But there were a few idiots. Here are some examples:

"I don't think its fair that she's being judged on Katrina alone. She didn't have the best response, but it was a true emergency. Katrina isn't the only thing to judge her on."

"I hope people will remember all the good things she did for the state, everything she did to bring new industry and new businesses here."

"She deserves credit for all she did for our teachers and our children?"

My favorite quote of the day came from Louisiana Lt. Gov. Mitch Landrieu:

"History will show that Governor Blanco served under the most difficult of circumstances."

Never fear, Walter Williams (creator of Mr. Bill) is here. Filmmaker Walter Williams is telling friends and colleagues that he'll be running for Louisiana Governor.

Let's see, we've got a former governor in prison (Edwin Edwards),we elected an insane socialist (Huey P. Long), we had a former Klansman make a serious bid for the office (David Duke), and now Mr. Bill wants to run. I love this state!

Last night’s episode was a ho-hum-dinger. The episode starts with President Roslin having a dream about the half-human half-cylon child, Hera. Her mom, Athena is there looking for her, too. Suddenly, Caprica Six appears and snatches the child up and Roslin wakes up.

The fleet has not seen the Cylons for several weeks. They usually leave an observation craft behind after the fleet jumps to watch and see if the Cylons appear, the craft jumps to catch up with the fleet after a few hours. Admiral Adama comes up with the genius plan to have the observation craft wait a little longer than normal. Sure enough, the Cylons appear and our intrepid Raptor crew escapes with literally micro-seconds to spare.

Adama orders the fleet to be swept for tracking devices, but the search comes up empty. Roslin suggests that Caprica Six be interrogated as to how the fleet is being tracked by the Cylons. Six says that the Cylons discovered a “unique radiation pattern” from the fleet’s refinery ship and that they may be using that to track the ship.

Baltar’s trial begins. Tigh takes the witness stand (drunk), and is questioned about his role in the suicide bombings on New Caprica (he ordered them), and the death of his wife, Ellen (he killed her because she gave information to the Cylons.) Admiral Adama accuses Apollo, working on Baltar’s defense, of giving this information to Baltar’s lawyer. Apollo says he didn’t know HOW Ellen died. The Admiral calls Apollo a liar, Apollo resigns from the Colonial Military.

President Roslin takes the stand. Apollo says that he wants to question her, Baltar objects (he’s a novice), his lawyer is all for it. President Roslin admits to taking Chamalla extract (a hallucinogen) as treatment for her cancer, which Baltar’s defense tries to use to discredit Roslin’s testimony. Roslin admits to currently taking the drug because her cancer (previously in remission) has returned. *GASP* Apollo’s wife Dee decides that she doesn’t like that he is helping out Baltar and decides to leave him. *GASP...AGAIN!*

The crew of Galactica identifies the refinery ship’s unique signature and plan to correct it. Apollo (prior to resigning) came up with a plan to use the refinery to send the Cylon’s off on a wild goose chase before fixing it, and Gaeta and Helo (newly appointed XO of Galactica in place of Col. Tigh) begin discussing the way to implement the plan.

Intermittently during the episode, Col. Tigh, Samuel Anders (Starbuck’s husband), and Tory Foster (Rolsin’s aide) are shown hearing music that apparently no one else hears. At the end of the episode, Tigh is shown searching for the source of the music and comes to the realization that its source is inside Galactica.

Bonus Scene
I think the Bonus Scene got cut short, again, because it was about 5 seconds long and didn’t make sense.

So that’s it, a TINY amount of action and a courtroom drama. Yawn. My only real sci-fi gripe is with the lone scene that takes place in space (i.e. not within the interior of a ship) that isn’t just a background shot of the fleet. In the Raptor the fleet leaves behind to watch for Cylons, the two crew members decide to occupy the time by playing cards. They stash their craft in near some asteroids. The pilot gets out and walks to the back, and in the very next shot the Raptor is shown firing attitude rockets to align itself next to an asteroid. Who’s flying the ship? Also, they don’t park the ship ON an asteroid; they have it floating around loose. Wouldn’t it be kind of dangerous to leave the ship unattended in that case? When the Cylons do show up, they immediately lock on to the Raptor and fire a missile at it. So what, exactly, was the point of hiding the Raptor in the asteroids in the first place?

My other gripe with this episode has to come with the legal aspect of the show. Admiral Adama, one of the five judges presiding over Baltar’s trial, tells Apollo that Baltar shouldn’t even have a trial; he’s guilty as hell and should be executed. Yet Apollo, working for Baltar’s defense, never sees fit to bring this up in the courtroom (hell-OHH, MISTRIAL?)

Sheik Ibrahim Mogra of the Muslim Council of Britain called the move "bizarre."

"The vast majority of Muslims have no problem whatsoever with the 'Three Little Pigs,'" he told the Daily Mail. "It's always been the traditional way of telling the story, and I don't see why that should be changed."

Mogra acknowledged Muslims are forbidden to eat pork, "but there is no prohibition about reading stories about pigs. This is an unnecessary step."

Mogra asked how far society would go. "Are we going to change the seven dwarves because it's discriminatory towards people who are physically less able? Where do you draw the line?" he asked.

"Every time we get these stories Muslims are seen more and more as misfits. We have to accept there's a predominant culture here."

Muslim Cashier Refuses to Scan Pork Products at Target
A customer at a Target in the Twin Cities was buying some items, including a packaged of bacon. The cashier in his lane, dressed in a hijab, refused to scan the bacon. She made the customer scan it and put the bacon in a grocer bag as she held it open. A Minneapolis Star-Tribune reporter wanted to check this out, and went to the same store and purchased a pepperoni pizza. Again, the cashier refused to scan the pizza, calling another employee to scan the item. The reporter asked if it was because the cashier was Muslim, and the cashier confirmed this, "I can’t even touch it."

And Target is tolerating this! Now there are those of you out there that are aware that businesses must make "reasonable accommodations" to employees in order for them to perform their job. I ask you, is a allowing a cashier to ask for assistance in swiping the bar code on a pork product a reasonable accommodation?

What if the employee in question were a butcher? What if the customer were buying a piece of pork that he wanted trimmed and the butcher refused, instead asking another butcher to do it? What if the butcher in question was the only butcher available? Would it be reasonable for the customer to not be served?

What if the employee was a stocker, tasked with stocking groceries? (I checked, and Super Target stores have employees that work specifically in the grocery section.) What if the front of the store was out of pepperoni pizza or bacon or pork chops? What if the grocery stocker was the only stocker available. Would it be reasonable to exempt the employee from his/her duties?

You may say that Muslims probably shouldn’t take a butcher job because of the chance they may have to handle pork. Shouldn’t the same logic be applied to a cashier? Reasonable accommodations are accommodations that you would make for ANY employee. That is, if you will exempt a cashier from certain duties (scanning pork products), you must treat ANY employee the same way. You must make accommodations for butchers, food stockers, merchandise stockers (leather shoes, belts, jackets, etc.). You would also have to make these same accommodations for Jewish employees that refuse to handle non-kosher products, or Baptist employees that refuse to handle alcohol.

Reasonable accommodations are made so employees can actually PERFORM their job duties. If you have an employee in a wheelchair, a reasonable accommodation would be to have a wheelchair accessible entrance for the employee to use. If you have an employee whose job description requires them to lift 40 pounds unassisted, the employee must be allowed assistance with loads over this weight. A reasonable accommodation in this case would maybe be allowing the employee to wear rubber gloves (why cashiers don’t when handling raw meat, even packaged meat, I don’t know) or even tongs. At least if this would keep the Muslim from going to hell for handling pork, I don’t know enough about Islam to know if this would be okay. Reasonable accommodations are not a loophole, however, for an employee to get out of certain duties. A CASHIER’S job duties consist of, what? Scanning products, bagging products, greeting you when you first arrive and thanking you when you leave. Anything that would prevent a cashier from doing ANY of this, and the store doesn’t have to allow the employee to remain in the position. Responsible employers would try to find something else for the employee to do, but they shouldn’t have to allow this kind of absurdity.

This week's episode, The Son Also Rises, was okay. They didn’t really try to tackle any sci-fi issues in this episode. The fleet decides to put the turncoat Dr. Baltar on trial for his crimes and through some weird system of justice. The trial is conducted under five judges who are chosen by lottery from a pool of captains of each ship in the fleet. (I wonder what they did for trials that were planet-side.) So rather than having a dedicated judge who is well versed in law, they instead will pull the five ship captains into duty rather than letting do something trivial like, say, command their ships. Naturally, the captain of the sole military ship in the fleet, Adama, is chosen.

The people in Starbuck’s life are shown grieving over her loss, her husband (Anders) gets drunk, Apollo is lost in his thoughts and doesn’t do a real good job as CAG (the show goes so far as to have Apollo address one of his pilots as "Starbuck" as if the audience needs to be hit over the head, "See? Apollo is supposed to be IN SHOCK!"), and Admiral Adama gets all weepy. Of course, each suffers the consequences, Anders breaks his leg, Apollo gets pulled off CAG duty (to be replaced by Helo who, up to this point has shown real aptitude for rescuing traitorous humans, falling in love with a Cylon and flying Raptors) and is none too happy, and Adama has to do what he always has to do (suck it up and get back to work.)

Baltar is appointed a defense attorney who is subsenquently killed when a bomb detonates in the Raptor he is using to fly between ships. In a monumental leap of mental power, deckhand Cally blames Sharon (a "good' cylon and Raptor pilot) for planting the bomb, apparently forgetting the fact that Sharon was flying the Raptor the bomb was planted on. Brilliant deduction, Cally!

Baltar is given a new attorney that speaks in an accent I can't understand and Apollo is given duty as his bodyguard (since he got yanked from CAG duty.) This new attorney goes on to "break all the rules," he carries a live cat in his attache, refuses to allow his conversations with his client to be monitored, and demands to speak to the captive Cylon, Caprica Six (whom Baltar loves). It is also revealed that the new guy learned everything he knows from Apollo's famous lawyer grandfather. In a very confusing move, the new guy gives Six Baltar’s pen (which he is using to write his manifesto to be disseminated throughout the fleet.) He tells Six that Baltar wanted her to have the pen because he was still in love with her. Meanwhile, Baltar is shown in his cell frantically searching for his pen.

Another bomb explodes in an attempt to assassinate Baltar’s new attorney, but fails. The new guy lands in the infirmary and Apollo returns his attaché to him. Apollo notices that there are a few strange items in the case, Baltar’s pen, a button from a Colonial military uniform, President Rolsin’s reading glasses. The new guy admits to a case of kleptomania (mistrial!). Apollo comes across a piece of an explosive device *gasp.* The new guy says he took it from one of the Galactica’s crewmembers, Capt. Kelly (former XO and current LSO) but didn't know what it was. Capt. Kelly tells Apollo that he needs to be locked up, because he will not stop as long as Baltar is alive.

Adama returns Apollo to active flight duty, but Apollo refuses insisting that he wants to aid the new guy in Baltar’s defense. Adama tells him that it is too dangerous. The new guy sends a note to Adama stating "There is no more a powerful ally than a son who decides to step away from his father's shadow."

So that was it, a lot of meaningless exposition to reach the point that Apollo is going to step out from under Adama’s "shadow."

Bonus Scene
For some reason, recent episodes of Galactica have been showing a deleted scene at the end of the episode’s broadcast. When I watched the episode, the Bonus scene was cut short and not shown in it’s entirety. This week’s bonus scene shows Sharon confronting Cally over her accusation that she was responsible for the explosion. Sharon hands Cally her sidearm and tells her to shoot her if she feels she is responsible. Cally is not able to pull the trigger because she knows that Sharon loves her child and Helo. Cally is a mom, too. *sniff* Sharon then snatches the gun from Cally and puts it to Cally’s head and tells her that if SHE was the one that planted the bomb, Sharon wouldn’t hesitate to shoot her.

I don’t know why Sci-Fi is excising these episodes from the broadcast and then showing them at the end. Why not just show the scene in context in the first place? This one could have had a huge impact. "If you’re so tough, why don’t you do something about it?" "No, I can’t. We aren’t so different, you and I." "Get this straight, if you were the one that did it, I’d bust a cap in your ass."

To find out how smart the people are running the state, look at the name of The Act itself. Since when did "smokefree" become a word? Don’t they have spell check?

The Act took effect on January 1, 2007. You no longer have to walk into a restaurant and answer the question “Smoking or non-smoking?” It’s all non-smoking now, you don’t have a choice in the matter. What’s bugging the absolute SHIT out of me, though, is that The Act is STILL being advertised on radio and television. Not occasionally, not once a day, but almost on an HOURLY BASIS. For an act that is already in effect.

I could see the point of advertising The Act maybe during the first few weeks, or entire month of January, even. There are still some people in Louisiana who don’t watch the news, or read newspapers, don’t have electricity, or go to LSU and generally don’t pay attention to...you know, the world around them. They’ve got to know that they can’t go to T.G.I Friday’s and light up. But it’s the middle of fucking March. Why are we still advertising for The Act?

The evidence is found in the substance of the ads themselves. In an advertising campaign designed by an obviously mildly retarded person, the ads are from the point of view of people’s organs. There’s one from a person’s nasal cavity that is easily irritated (or iddy-TATE-ed, because the nasal cavity must be Mexican or something) and is SO happy that it no longer has to worry about that at restaurants. There’s one from a pair of black (as in African-American, not cancerous) lungs who hold a conversation between each other:
Lung 1: Smoking is banned in restaurants, schools, and most workplaces!
Lung 2: Where?
Lung 1: Restaurants, schools, and most workplaces!
Lung 2: One mo’ time!
Both lungs: Restaurants, schools and most workplaces!

How come there aren’t any ads for the Louisiana law that says that if you turn on your windshield wipers, you must also turn on your headlights? (i.e. Turn on your lights when it rains. Sadly, this law isn’t enforced.) This ad is simply a way for the high-and-mightys in the State Legislature to say “See? We’re looking out for you! WE’LL be the ones to take care of you.” It’s just a way for them to pat themselves on the pack. How much money is being spent to advertise a law that is already in effect?

As a public service, I have written my own ad for the Smokefree Air Act. You can use it free of charge, guys.

Lungs: Man, I am so glad that I don’t have to put up with second-hand smoke in restaurants anymore. Now I don’t have to worry about getting cancer.
Brain: Dumbass, there has never been any conclusive evidence that second-hand smoke causes cancer in non-smokers.
Lungs: Well, still, breathing smoke makes me uncomfortable.
Brain: You could always go eat somewhere else, retard. Think about it, if enough people complain, it could encourage the business to change its policy on its own.
Lungs: But what if it didn’t. What if businesses continued to allow smoking in their establishment?
Brain: Shouldn’t it be the owner’s decision and not the decision of the government? Do you really want government telling you how you can and can’t run your business?
Heart: But smoking COULD be harmful. Shouldn’t we do something to protect us? Shouldn’t we do something to protect The Children?
Brain: What’s going to have a more damaging effect on your kids, that second-hand smoke they get exposed to on an infrequent basis, or that fucking deep-fried, grease-laden Kid’s Meal you stuff down their gullet? Maybe the government should put a stop to that, too. You know, for The Children.
Heart: Well, no, it’s not the government’s business how I raise my children. They shouldn’t tell me what to do.
Brain: Sounds familiar.
Lungs: Anyway, I’m happy. I can enjoy my Monte Cristo and fries without suffocating.
Stomach: Jesus Christ, man! Why don’t you just mainline a bucket of hog fat and be done with it? You DO realize that this isn’t good for you either.
Brain: [sarcasm] - THERE OUGHTTA BE A LAW!

The show starts out with Stan's dad, Randy, on Wheel of Fortune. He's made it to the final round and is about to try and guess the puzzle. The category is "People That Annoy You." He gets the standard R, S, T, L, and E. This makes the board look like this:

_ _ _ _ E R S

N _ G G E R S

NIGGERS! and gives two thumbs up, thinking he's just won.

I'm sitting in my cubicle
And I'm typing words on screen
And I'll get a raise next Tuesday
If I could keep my office CLEAN!
The women here ignore me
They call me "Scrawny Dan"
But that's because they don't know me
They DONT'T KNOW WHO I REALLY AM!

I AM CHEWBACCA!
I AM A WOOKIE!
I FIGHT THE EMPIRE!
I FIX THE ROBOTS!
DON'T FUCKING CROSS ME!
I AM CHEWBACCA!
IN NEED OF NO ONE!
IN WANT OF NOTHING!

I AM CHEWBACCA!
I GOT NO HOME!
MY HOME IS WHERE!
MY SPIRIT GOES!
DON'T FUCKING CROSS ME!
'CAUSE I'M CHEWBACCA!
I'LL TEAR YOUR ARMS OFF!
I'LL KILL YOUR FRIEND!

Chewbacca fucking rules. I say we petition Lucas the Hutt to make this Chewie's theme in all subsequent releases of Star Wars, friends.

John F'ing Kerry and Stephen Hawking
Name two people who won't be running this year.

The tag on a mattress and my blog.
Name two things no one ever reads.

WARNING: SPOILERS!!!!

First off, WTF???!!! They killed Starbuck? To quote Bulldog Briscoe..."This stinks! This is total B.S.!!!!!" How can they sit there and build her up, give us this great back story about an abusive mother, then kill her off? My wife hates episodes that involve character development. She prefers shootin’ and rootin’ & tootin’, but I love these kinds of episodes. I just wrote a few episodes ago that they had not been utilizing Starbuck as much as they should, so they turn around and write a Starbuck-central episode, yet she dies at the end. That sucks.

Obviously, she is going to be back. I mean, they wouldn’t have drug out the whole “She used to draw the Eye of Jupiter as a kid” thing if they were going to kill her off 20 minutes later and have her off the show, would they? That’s a pretty big matzah ball they’ve left hanging out if they did.

Scientific problems
The fleet is undergoing refueling from their various tanker ships and will be vulnerable during this operation. As a means of defense, the fleet is hiding in the upper atmosphere of a gas giant. I say this because the crew seems to be worried about the “planetary hard deck,” an altitude which they do not want their Viper patrols to fly below because of the atmospheric pressure involved. I do like the way the planet was depicted, with clear atmosphere and clouds higher up, with the atmosphere becoming clogged with “clouds” lower down. It is also shown to have layers of clouds and atmosphere, and there are electrical storms going on, as well as a hurricane-like storm. The atmosphere of Jupiter shows a very similar composition with many counter-rotating bands of clouds that cause a lot of turbulence and disturbances. I personally believe that the forces encountered in the atmosphere in Jupiter would probably make straight and level, or at least stable, flight nearly impossible. But hey, this planet may be completely different than Jupiter. I may be closer to it’s own sun, may rotate faster, may have a more uniform atmospheric composition, any number of things that may make its atmosphere more stable.

There are two glaring I have with this episode. Twice, Starbuck experiences problems with her Viper and strays dangerously close to the “planetary hard deck.” The second time, she hits another object and has a hole knocked in her canopy. Here’s the first problem, which can be found right here on earth in submarines. Submarines are normally rated to a certain depth. Going below that depth, and the pressure from the surrounding water could be too much and squash the sub’s hull like an empty Coke can. Most submarines operate around a depth of 250 meters, which is about the effective limit of a steel constructed hull. Most non-titanium hulled submarines would be pancakes below a depth of 1,000 meters. Submarine hulls, however, are much stronger than the human body. Starbuck is alive in her cockpit until it reaches the point in the planet’s atmosphere where the atmospheric pressure crushes her Viper. In reality, Starbuck would have been unconscious or dead because of oxygen starvation by the time her Viper is crushed. If the air pressure is strong enough to crush her Viper’s hull, it would have been too much for her to expand her lungs and draw in a breath long before that. Her muscles just would not be strong enough to do so.

Also, Starbuck on two separate occasions reports seeing a Cylon Raider (fighter spacecraft) and presumably a mid-air collision with this Raider is what damages her Viper and causes her to crash. The fleet, after her first report of seeing the Raider is worried about detection by the Cylons. However, they take no steps to do anything about it. Her second and final time out, Starbuck again reports seeing a Raider. Yet after Starbuck crashes, the fleet again does nothing to prepare for a possible attack. However, Starbuck reviews her gun camera film after her first encounter, and is shown firing at nothing, so she may have been hallucinating during both encounters.

Sci-Fi, please don’t kill off my favorite Galactica character.

The show has, from time to time, tried to remain relevant to the world's political climate. Fine. I don't mind shows trying to be relevant. Galactica has dealt with issues like abortion, torture (of humans who collaborate with the Cylons), and suicide bombers (which, in an interesting twist, is used by the "good guys.") That makes for great television.

However, in Dirty Hands, the crew of the refinery ship deplores their miserable working conditions, they must work 12 hour shifts and have not had a day off in recent memory. In order to call attention to their plight, they decide to reduce the amount of fuel they are refining as a form of production strike, and eventually decide to sabotage the refinery by removing the "valves" on a series of fuel lines (which are basically the end caps on a bunch of metal pipes). The fleet's fuel supply is dangerously low, only enough left for one or two FTL (faster-than-light) jumps, which they use to escape Cylon attacks. There are 44,000 living human beings left in the known universe, and the refinery crew is bitching about OVERTIME AND VACATION PAY!!!! The crew's representatives inform the President and Admiral Adama that they have no motivation or reward for performing their jobs. Uhhh, how about the fact that if you don't do your job, you're going to die. You're entire species will be extinct. Is that not enough motivation?

Another problem that crops up is that some people are becoming disgruntled that the people from the "elite" colonies seem to be in positions of power and those from the "poor" colonies are stuck in menial jobs. The point is illustrated when one of the Galactica's crew members from the maintenance department washes out of flight school and is not allowed to become a Viper Pilot. She's from one of the "poor" colony planets. Of course, the people stuck on the refinery ship are all from the colonies that...drum roll please...are mainly from the "poor" colonies (i.e. colonies with agricultural or industrial economies). What's the first answer they come up with? Well, they're going to conscript other members of the fleet into service on the refinery ship. The refinery crew were complaining about the unsafe conditions of the ship so they decide to fix this by mixing untrained and inexperienced workers in with the crew? THERE'S a good decision (which, of course, fails miserably). The fleet eventually arrives at the conclusion that the only way to rectify the situation is to FORM A UNION! Great, the human race is stuck out in the middle of space, pursued by a superior enemy, but if they want to get that fuel refined first they're gonna have to negotiate and mediate.

Finally, the show fixes the situation with the pilot who washes out of flight school by, ta-da, accepting her back in to flight school. Apparently there is a lack of colonists from the “poor” colonies, a minority if you will, so they must resort to Affirmative Action. This candidate did not have the aptitude to fly a Viper (the fleet’s fighter spacecraft) and washed out of flight training academy. Vipers are the first line of defense between a Cylon attack and the fleet, with Galactica being the last line of defense. There are no facilities to manufacture Vipers, so the fleet is dealing with a limited supply. It only makes sense that you’d want your best and brightest to fly them. But in the interest of Political Correctness, they’re going to accept a washed out pilot trainee and entrust her with one of the fleet’s most invaluable weapons.

If this keeps up, I’m pulling for the Cylons.

So when Sci-Fi announced a mini-series "re-imagining" Battlestar Galactica, I was stoked. When it aired, I was stoked. I hoped there was going to be a series, since the mini-series ended with the remains of humanity heading for the stars. I didn't even mind the changes. I didn't care that the under-used character of Boomer was changed to a chick. I didn't care that Starbuck (my favorite character from the original) was changed to a chick (still my favorite character, though she's been COMPLETELY under-used this season). I loved the fact that instead of being the warrior robots of a long-extinct race of reptilian aliens, the Cylons were now a creation of man that rebelled against their masters.

I didn't care that the show played fast and loose with its science fiction elements. Star Wars itself is not very science-fictiony. (Sound in space? Lasers that are slow enough that you can dodge them? A sword with a laser that only goes out three feet?)

NOTE I know, I know, blaster technology in Star Wars is based on a super-charged "bolt" of gas, and lightsabers are "plasma."

1) I'm starting to get tired of the writers' lame understanding of the "science" in science fiction.

In the two-part episode The Eye of Jupiter/Rapture, our heroes land on a planet and discover a temple left behind by those who eventually settled on Earth (the lost 13th colony) and head to the surface to investigate. After they've been there for a while (days, hours, its never really specified), the crew of the Galactica comes to the realization that the planet's star is unstable and "going supernova." Ignoring the fact that the star goes supernova at the EXACT time the humans arrive on the planet, I've got just a few problems with the way this is portrayed. A shockwave hits the planet only a few seconds after the star is seen to explode. It takes light from the Sun about eight minutes to reach Earth. If the sun were to blow up we wouldn't be aware of this until eight minutes later when we saw the explosion. In order for the shockwave to hit the planet at the instant the explosion is seen the shockwave would have to be traveling at the speed of light. However, supernova shockwaves travel much slower, only about one tenth the speed of light, or about 30 million meters per second (29,979,245.8 m/sec) Let's assume that planet in question is 1 Astronomical Unit (AU - the average distance of the Earth from the sun) from its star, about 149.5 billion meters. A shockwave resulting from the star's explosion would take about 83 hours to reach the planet, much longer than the few seconds portrayed on the show. However, the star is said to be a "blue giant." This may mean that the star is a "bright giant," as the term blue giant is applied to one stage of the life cycle of a bright giant. If the star is a bright giant, the planet would have to be much further away than 1 AU to be habitable (our heroes are shown on the surface sans spacesuits) because giants are larger than our yellow dwarf Sun. If the star is actually meant to be a "blue SUPERgiant" the planet would have to be even further away as blue supergiants are extremely hot, and much larger than our Sun. Once the shockwave reaches the planet, it wreaks havoc with the planet's surface and the spacecraft in orbit. However, the bigger danger to the ships and crew members would be the large dose of radiation caused by the explosion that would reach them much faster than the shockwave. When the shockwave arrived, no one would be left alive to worry about it.

In the MOST recent episode, Dirty Hands, two Raptor crewmembers (A "Raptor" is a small spacecraft used for observation, detection, and recon) experience what pilots like to refer to as a catastrophic failure. The Raptor is typically crewed by two people, a pilot and a Guy in the Back Seat (GIBS). The interior layout of the Raptor's "cockpit" has two side-by-side pilot seats and GIBS sits in the back. After the catastrophic failure, GIBS has to CLIMB OUT OF THE BACKSEAT and get to the front of the spacecraft in order for them to eject. Why isn't the GIBS seat designed as an ejector seat as well? Why doesn't GIBS just sit in the front seat to begin with? The show has done such a good job in giving a decent representation of space combat; the fighters must use maneuvering rockets to turn instead of turning like aircraft, the ships fire real bullets instead of lasers. This was just stupid in comparison.

Also in Dirty Hands it is revealed that the ships in the fleet are not powered by something as advanced as some sort of nuclear reactor, oh no. The entire fleet is dependent upon an actual fuel source. What's worse, the fleet's sole supply of fuel must be refined on a refinery ship. At the very beginning of the series, the Cylons attack the 12 colonies in a series of nuclear attacks, so we know that nuclear fission technology exists. Why in God's name (or as the show likes to say "Why in the gods' name) would you still be flying around in ships that, apparently, are dependent upon some sort of chemical reaction? The fuel resembles playground sand so it can't be the sort of dense material normally required to fuel a reactor. Second, the interior of the refinery ship is shown to resemble the working conditions of a coal mine or steel mill. So you can design ships that travel faster than light and super-advanced robots, but you can't improve your manufacturing and refining technology beyond the kind used on early 20th century Earth?

Well, that drug on longer than I expected, so I'll stop this post for now, and next week, I'll continue on with my other complaints about the show.

That little comment, made back in 2002, landed Rebekah in the principal's office and also resulted in a warning being placed in her file. The school justifies it's strict stand following an incident the previous year where two students were paid to beat up a gay (i.e. queer) student. The school district's lawyers argued that the school had an obligation to protect gay students (i.e. fags and lezbos) from harassment.

The high school in question also has a gay (i.e. pillow biter) student club that passed out buttons with the phrase crossed out to encourage other students to stop using the phrase. The phrase is very offensive to some gays (i.e. butt buddies.) (What's more offensive, "That's so gay" or the other euphemisms I've used here?)

As a result, several other interest groups have stepped forward to encourage high students to refrain from using other common phrases because they are offended.

The World Hooker Organization (WHOR) has asked that high school students no longer use the phrase "This sucks" or "This blows" because WHOR feels students are making light of the profession of those associated with WHOR. A WHOR spokesperson said in a statement "mmmmppphhmmmmph."

The Association of Young Swans has asked that students not ask other students to "borrow a pen." Since baby swans are called pens (see, who said blogs aren't educational?), AYS feels that the students are somehow implying that a pen can be considered property instead of an idividual.

Potheads United have asked that students no longer use the phrase "Can I borrow a piece of paper?" because everyone knows the only REAL reason to have paper is to roll a joint.

The NAACP has asked that teachers no longer include "White-Out" on their class supply list. The NAACP feels that White-Out has been keeping "Black-Out" down for much too long. They have also asked that White-Out's manufacturer make reparations for the lost revenue Black-Out has suffered. When informed that it is actually spelled "Wite-Out," the NAACP replied "A wite devil by any other name..."

Conversely, the American Indian Movement has asked that students no longer be required to bring "red" pens writing utensils to class.

The National Association of Eunuchs has asked that high school football teams no longer refer to the ball as a "ball." They were going to ask that it now be called the "pigskin" but the Council on American Islamic Relations nixed that idea. They now ask that it be referred to as a "prolate spheroid."

The Two-Ring Binder Manufacturer Association demanded that schools quit showing preferential treatment to Three-Ring Binders.

The ACLU has asked that someone, somewhere, try to pray or mention God in school so that they can have something to do.

And, of course, the staff here at Angry White Male wishes everyone would just lighten the fuck up.

NOTE: Once again, tblog has censored my title. The title was "That's So Gay."