What happened to "The American Way?" I guess they don't want to offend people in other countries, when Superman Begins, or Returns, or Re-runs, or whatever the hell it is called, is exported to Pakistan and Japan and China. Superman has ALWAYS been a popular character worldwide. Superman has ALWAYS stood for "Truth, Justice, and THE AMERICAN WAY." Until now.

So Warner Brothers has tried to lure us out to the theaters with their $300 million dollar peice of celluloid (do movies even come on celluloid anymore?) I'm sure the vast majority of you are going to see it in the next few weeks. Count me out. I'm not going to see some poseur, some imposter. A Superman that stands for "Truth, Justice, and Honesty" is not the REAL Superman. That's sort of like a Spider-man who understands "With great power comes a little responsibility." Sort of like a Batman who's all happy-go-lucky and fights crime during the day. Sort of like the Uncanny X-Men family being like the Brady Bunch.

I've always thought Superman was kind of a puss anyway. Spider-Man is the end-all be-all of superheros for me.

What's that? The flag is sacred? There are other avenues for expressing our disapproval of the government? We should honor those who have sacrificed their lives by protecting the flag they fought under?(Actual comments to me from my Representative Richard Baker and my Senator David Vitter. As usual, I received no reply from Mary Landrieu. Probably because she knows I don't like her.)

Let's put aside the emotional aspect of the issue. I agree with you. The flag means something to me. Both my grandfathers served during war time overseas and had people shooting at them and trying to kill them. They had to kill other people under this flag. This flag, to me, represents the greatest nation on earth. I think the act of burning the United Stated flag is despicable. I believe there are MUCH better ways of addressing your greivances with the government, such as writing your congressman or Senators. I'll give you all of that. HOWEVER...

Do you realize that, had this amendment passed, this would have been the first amendment since Prohibition to have placed a restriction on the CITIZENS of the United States? This should not be the function of the United States Constitution. The Constitution should be used to place limits and restrictions upon THE GOVERNMENT, not THE PEOPLE. That is the first error of this amendment.

Another item to consider is the issue of private property. If I decide to go to Wal-Mart, spend MY MONEY (I don't give it all to the government, yet) on a flag and burn it, what business is it of the government? Am I physically harming another person? No. Does this flag belong to someone else? No. Do you really want Uncle Sam getting in the business of telling you what you can and cannot do with YOUR private property? I sure as hell don't. Now, will I ever go buy a flag and burn it? No. (Unless this amendment passes, I might then.) But I certainly don't believe the Federal Government should prohibit others from doing this. "But what if the flag being burned does not belong to that individual?" Well, this would be an issue of destroying someone else's property. There are already laws against this.

The single most important issue here, though, is the issue of free speech. I actually had Congressman Richard Baker and Senator David Vitter reply to me that while they both "believed in freedom of speech," they did not believe this freedom should be extended to the act of burning a flag. Huh? This makes absolutely no sense to me. If you can pick and choose what will be allowed as free speech and what will not, this isn't really FREEDOM OF SPEECH is it? The fact that you and I think the act of flag burning is abhorrent is even more reason to protect it. In fact, protecting speech you don't like is the only real reason for the First Amendment. It's easy to protect speech that you agree with. It's harder to stand up for those who say something you DON'T agree with. As Neal Boortz has said, the flag is a SYMBOL for our freedom, not the reason for it. Remove your emotions and feelings and look at it from an unbiased point of view. We cannot become a nation that is ruled and governed by emotions and feelings. We'll falter, and eventually fail.

Addendum

This vote failed 66-34. It would need 2/3 majority to pass, or 67 yeas. The vote was:
66 yeas (52 Republicans - 14 Democrats)
34 nays (31 Democrats - 3 Republicans - 1 Ind.)
5 of the Democrats voting yea are up for re-election this year. Of the 14 Republicans up for re-election, all but one voted yea. All this is is what I call "feel-good" legislation. A law designed to make their constituents feel good, and feel like their Senators are doing something.

1. If we detect - and we've got satellites which can read the warning label on a matchbook cover in Pyongyang - that the North Koreans are getting ready to launch anything larger than a cherry bomb on the Fourth of July, we should (a) issue a warning which gives them a matter of hours to dismantle it or (b) we will blow it up where it stands.

2. No. Better idea. Under my current theory of preemption, we should blow up the launch pad right now - today - before they even mount a missile on it.

3. If the French and the Chinese and the Germans and Kofi Annan and everyone else doesn't like it … too bad. If the United Nations proposes another one of its impotent resolutions of condemnation, we should abstain, allow it pass, immediately withdraw from UN membership, and throw the whole organization out of New York City.

4. They can set up shop in Darfur and do some good, for a change.

Amen.

I work in a hotel. Between October 25, 2005 and April 12, 2006, FEMA spent over $500,000 to house less than 60 people at my hotel. Some were here for days, some were here from August 28, '05 to April 12, '06. Well, I say "SPENT," but they haven't paid their fucking bill yet. Average that out to about $8,000 per person. At 5 1/2 months, that's more than I paid ON MY HOUSE over the same amount of time. THAT's waste folks. On 15 of these people, FEMA spent over $15,000. That's more than I pay on my house for a WHOLE FUCKING YEAR. This is just one hotel. Multiply that times the number of hotels across the country that housed "evacuees," and you'll get a true picture of how much the government wasted.

This is the way we treat our soliders?

7 Marines and 1 Navy Corpsmen are being held at Camp Pendleton. They are shackled and in solitary confinement for 23 hours a day. This, despite NOT ACTUALLY BEING CHARGED WITH A CRIME. They are being investigated to see if charges can be brought against them, but they have not been charged. Is this the way we are going to treat our young men and women in uniform? Is this the way we are going to treat the men who bled the beaches red at Iwo Jima?

Of course, the bedwetters out there have wasted no time drawing comparisons to My Lai, and wondering "how many more Hadithas are there?" Haditha was not My Lai. Iraq is not Viet Nam. The current rules our military operates under make another My Lai not only improbable, but virtually impossible. To say nothing of the difference in media coverage of Viet Nam versus Iraq.

Now, don't get me wrong. Reports are that 24 innocent civilians were killed in Haditha. If these servicemen are guilty, then they should hang by the neck. But they have not been charged with ANYTHING yet. They are being put on trial on the 5 o'clock news, and they have already been convicted.

My New Hero

For several years, I have followed ABC's John Stossel. I have been afraid, however, to openly admit that I admire the guy because, deep down, I've always harbored the fear that he's just another one of the liberal media. However, I've finally decided that regardless of his actual political leanings, I've read enough of his stuff and seen enough of his reports to tell you, gentle reader, that this guy is the read deal.

Case in Point, check out Stossel's peice from Tax Day. While you're at it, read some of his other Town Hall columns, as well.

Why? What can you possibly have against the World Cup, you ask. Because when the World Cup rolls around, all the soccer fans in the US come out of the closet. You'll hear people saying "Why don't you take the time to watch some real football?" We'll start seeing some hippie with long hair on television advertising for Gatorade or Wheaties or Puma tennis shoes. You'll hear cultural elitists telling us that Americans are unsophisticated because we don't appreaciate real football like the rest of the world. They conveniently forget that soccer has such a "worldwide" appeal because of all the third world countries that like the sport. And why not? All you need to play is something round, kids in Ghana can get that.

I also hate the World Cup because it allows the rest of the world to feel like they can beat us. Which they can, because America sucks at soccer. It's not because we don't have better athletes than the rest of the world, it's because most of us just don't give a shit about soccer. Why should Team USA go out there and put it on the line? They know damn well that even if they go over there and win the whole thing, most people still won't know who they are when they come back. It's not even a good ice breaker at parties. "Oh, you were on the World Cup winning team? That's nice. What do you do for a living?" In other countries, soccer players are national heroes, gods even. In America, they aren't even as popular as hockey players. It'd be kinda hard to get fired up for that.

I don't want to come across like I feel sorry for these guys, though. It's their own fault for playing what is possibly the most mind numbing sport known to man. Lets take a look, shall we?

1) The individual contests aren't called "games," they're called "matches," just like in tennis. Guys don't stand around patting each other on the butt saying "good match." It isn't very manly.
2) A game can end with a 1-0 score and be called exciting.
3) Have you seen the field? It's fucking huge, you could graze cattle on it. Or land a 747 on it.
4) Players can step out of bounds, but still be "in bounds." The ball can be on the out of bounds line, and still be "in bounds." That's just stupid.
5) When there is a stoppage in play, the clock keeps running. When the clock reaches "0:00," they keep playing. That's also stupid.
6) If a player commits a foul, he gets a "card." Sometimes something bad happens to him, sometimes it doesn't.

It's hard to get behind a sport where you don't even know when the game will end. Where's the excitement of that last hurrah? The games take so long and the scores so low, you probably can't even remember how your team took/lost that one goal lead in the first place. Soccer is not the REAL football. If it were, the guys on ESPN would lead off Sportscenter talking about Tony Meola's motorcycle accident and it's impact on the upcoming season for the DC Metros. (I think Meola used to play or still does, and that the DC Metros are a real soccer team.) But they wouldn't. There'd be a television network dedicated solely to the subject of soccer. But there isn't.

Soccer snobs will tell you that soccer players are tougher than football players because they don't "wear a bunch of pads." Well, soccer players, like rugby players, don't wear pads not because they are tough but because they are MORONS. Who wouldn't want to wear pads when you're running around full speed with other grown men? Soccer snobs will tell you that soccer players are better athletes than football players because they will run 3 or 4 miles during a game. Of course they will, they play on that big-ass field. I guarantee they couldn't do it with the Batlimore Ravens defensive line hanging off their ass. Soccer snobs try to come up with a whole list of reasons why soccer is better than football, that soccer IS football.

Soccer isn't football. Soccer is soccer. Go pick a random guy off the street (in America, I could care less about some guy on the street in Bolivia) and ask him what "football" is. 99% of the people are going to describe AMERICAN football, i.e. REAL football. But the World Cup is going to end. The cultural elitists are going to shut up about the most popular third world sport. The soccer fans will go back to their granola bars and Birkenstocks, curl up in fetal positions, and murmur to themselves "soccer really IS football." I'd rather lose at football than win at soccer.

If you confronted me upon leaving the theater after watching ANY of the Lord of the Rings movies and said "You will be bored watching a Peter Jackson film," I would have called you a liar. A BIG FAT liar. But that's what I was for most of this film, bored. I just found too much of the film either being extraneous, or the scenes were dragging on for too long. Case in point, the scene where Kong is knocked out with cholorform. There must have been about 15 different reaction shots from the crew members. This made the scene too long. Another example would be the scene where Kong and Ann Darrow are reunited in New York. Takes entirely too long. Most of the first part of the film was unneccesary backstory, in my opinion. This could have been handled more efficiently, and the film could have either been cut down (signifigantly) to hold my attention, or we could have, oh, I don't know, maybe spent more time with the giant monkey (the movie IS named after him.)

I guess the film was meant to be fun, but there were too many things in it that made me think maybe it was supposed to be somewhat serious. (Bugs eating men, killer islanders, etc.) The result is that it isn't really either one. On positive note, this was probably the best film representation of a giant ape I've ever seen. I only wish they could have done more with the character than have him fall in love with a human and spend the rest of the film pining over her.

Terrorist Asshole Bites the Dust
So we collected al-Zarqawi's ass yesterday. Good. Yesterday, when I heard the news, I was happy. My first reaction was that I hoped he nothing was left of him but teeth and eyeballs. But then I started thinking. I hoped he wasn't vaporized. I hoped he lived through the strike, bleeding and in pain. I hoped he lived long enough to understand that he was going to die. I hoped, most of all, that he knew that the Great Satan was the one who killed him.

Well, I got my wish. It turns out that not only did he survive for a while after the strike, he lived long enough to be taken into custody by US troops. He not only knew that Americans got him, he was probably surrounded by our boys when he died. My sincerest wish now is that the last thing he saw before he died was some solider or Marine the United States military. I hope the last thing in his heart was the extreme hatred he felt for that young man. And the last thing in his mind was the knowledge that he died as a result of the actions taken by the United States military, the finest fighting force in the world, and the rest of our allies. Good riddance, you peice of shit.

First a warning for you filmphiles, this film is presented in its original format. That means that the audio is 1.0 monoaural, no surround sound here. Also, I was a bit perplexed that the DVD was presented in full screen. I always assumed that I saw the film in full screen because I watched it on VHS, and was excited to finally get to see the widescreen presentation. However, after some research it appears that the film was originally presented in full screen format, so I hadn't been missing anything.

Cheat Sheet
I am going to refer to the samurai by name. Since Japanese names can get a bit confusing, I'm putting this handy cheat sheet here so you can keep them straight.
Kambei - "leader" samurai
Katsushiro - "young" samurai
Kikuchiyo - "crazy" samurai (the guy with the big sword)
Gorobei - "second in command" samurai
Kyuzo - "Swordsman" samurai
Heihachi - "Wood-cutting" samurai
Shichiroji - "Kambei's old friend" samurai

I'm not going to give a plot summary other than this. A village is being terrorized by a group of bandits. The village decides to hire four samurai (which later becomes seven), but can only afford to pay in rice (three meals of rice a day.) The film tells the story of the hiring of the samurai, the samurai setting up the defenses for the village, and the eventual confrontation.
If you're reading this, you've probably already seen the film. If you're a fan of action movies or samurai movies and haven't seen the film, you should do so. Film fans (fans of well shot, well-acted, entertaining stories) should also see it.

Warning!!! Spoilers!!!
This was the first time in about 5 years I had an opportunity to sit down and watch the film. At 3 1/2 hours long, you would think the film might get a little boring, but there is never really a pause in the story (other than the "love" story, addressed below.) Unlike Peter Jackson's King Kong (review coming soon!) I never really found myself sitting there wishing the scene would end and the story would move on, or felt a scene was being drug out too long. Since MOST of the film's action comes near the end of the movie, the story is what has to carry the film, and it does so very well.

I was struck by how many complaints I had about the film. These are VERY minor in relation to the film, but I still want to address them. I still feel this is one of the best films ever made, definitely in my top-10 non-Star Wars film list.

Complaint #1 - I still do not like the sudden death of Heihachi (the first samurai to die.) I remember very vividly the first time I saw this scene. I had to rewind and see where he was wounded. I completely missed it. I didn't see him get cut or shot with an arrow by a bandit. He is wounded trying to pull villager Rikichi away from the bandits fortress. As Rikichi (who is distraught after his wife, whom he sold to the bandits, runs back into the burning fort to die) fights off Heihachi's grip, he accidentally and mortally wounds the samurai. This scene happens so fast that it is very easy to miss it. The next thing you know, Heihachi is keeling over.
Complaint #2 - The bandits in this movie are complete idiots. Why do they keep attacking on the road out of the village? They attack on horseback, the defenders allow one through to the village to be dealt with by the second group and cut the rest off. The one that gets through is killed, and the others retreat. So the bandits steel up their courage, and try the same tactic with the same results. They do this a couple of times. You'd think they might, say, come in off the road, or at least hide behind the trees. They are bandits, after all.
Complaint #3 - I feel that the cast of 7 is too large to feel any sympathy or sadness when one is killed, because we never really get to know any of them other than Kikuchiyo. The other two samurai we know well, Kambei and Katsushiro, live at the end.
Complaint #4 - I still am not crazy about the love story between Katsushiro and one of the villagers, Shino. It feels forced, with the only result being a VERY uncomfortable scene with Shino's father, upon learning of her affair with a samurai, beats her. The scene ends with Shino on the ground crying, as Kambei walks away and Katsushiro stands there upset.

What I love
1. The scene where Kyuzo, Kikuchiyo and Katsushiro must intercept a group of three bandits who have spotted the samurai in the village. Kyuzo and Kikuchiyo ambush the three as Katsushiro (who is ordered by Kambei to go along, but to only watch) looks on. It is over so quickly. I love that about this movie, the fighting is quick, the samurai quickly dispatch their enemies. There are no long drawn out John Woo style fights.
2. The scene where the defenders are being fired upon by the bandits (they have three rifles). The villagers say that things would be more equal if they had a rifle. Kyuzo tells them to sit tight, he'd go get one. The villagers wait through a tense night and early morning. Kyuzo has not returned and the defenders write him off as dead. Then someone sees him walking back down the road throught the fog, rifle in hand. He only says "got two bandits," hands the rifle to the villagers, and sits down to take a nap. Great scene. It is left to the viewers imagination how Kyuzo actually took down two armed bandits in the dark of night.
3. The scene where Kikuchiyo, grieved over the loss of Heihachi, climbs atop one of the village huts and plants the flag of the village and the seven samurai.
4. The final scene where the three surviving samurai leave the village. No accolades, no pats on the back. All parties involved have paid a heavy price for this, every bandit killed, several villagers killed, four of the seven dead. I like to think that the samurai, if they had it to do all over again, would step up and defend the village. I tend to think that most of the villagers would not. This sort of equates to American society today. Most of us would sit back while our safety and security is compromised because we don't want to risk our lives or our homes. There are a select few who would be willing to stand up and defend us, and they will always pay a heavy price for that.

The hospital bracelet is a way for hospital staff to identify you as being "you" and not someone else. So in the interest of safety and security, my pre-op nurse promptly removed it and stuck it to the shoulder of my hospital gown when she had difficulty sticking a six inch IV needle into the only vein visible on my arm. I am not a squemish person, I could watch the person next to me get disemboweled and not bat an eyelash. I have set my own broken bone before (which was, incidentally, poking through my skin.) I can not, however, handle the sight of my own blood and usually don't watch myself get an IV. So when the nurse has difficulty getting the needle in the vein, and then shoves the tip of the needle up to my armpit once she does, and finishes with the phrase "Oops, I made a mess" and begins swabbing at my arm, the conversation we subsequently had consisted of "Are you feeling okay?" "No, I'm fine" "Are you sure, you look a little pale." That's all I remember for two or three minutes. Fortunately, once I regained conciousness, I saw that I had NOT sprayed the waiting room with arterial blood as originally feared. The nurse was petite, blond, and cute so I gave her a pass.

Suprisingly, I didn't have to do much waiting, despite being there 2 hours before my surgery. Normally, when you go to the doctor, and your appointment is at 9:30, you get there at 9:30, wait for 10 minutes to an hour in the wating room. Then you have your name called, get ushered to another smaller waiting room, and wait some more. (Then the doctor breezes in, spends about five minutes with you, pronounces you "have a bug that is going around" and bills your insurance company for 2 grand.) Not much waiting here.

SIDE NOTE: Is there a COMFORTABLE way to ask, when told "we're going to need you to provide a sample," for clarification on the TYPE of sample requested? I was presented with this situtation on the morning of my surgery. I panicked. "Surely they don't want THAT kind of sample? There's no way I can get in the mood for that NOW." So I whizzed in the little plastic cup provided hoped for the best.

Once everything was ready, I was wheeled into the operating room, where my best friend, the anesthesiologist (sp?), his assistant, my op nurse, and some other chick in scrubs and a mask were waiting. The two gas passers fussed over me and slipped me some of the good stuff, while the op nurse was strapping me in (Is it going to be some sort of ride?) The chick was just staring in the general direction of my crotchular area, which made me slightly uncomfortable. Then I realized that, counting my doctor, HIS nurse, and the other four people in the room, that I'd have little Jimi and his Band of Gypsys out in front of more people than he's ever been out in front of in my life. By one person. This made me slightly more uncomfortable, but then I passed out.

I awoke in the recovery room thinking "Jesus, my balls are cold and numb." I attributed this to the anesthetic. I wasn't awake for 30 seconds before the recovery nurse was bringing me my clothes and saying "Get dressed and we'll get you out of here." Spent maybe 10 minutes in recovery before I'm getting wheeled out to the car. Once I got home, I realized the coldness/numbness was due to a rubber glove with ice water stuffed down the front of my pants. High tech healthcare, right there. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, and I was fairly comfortable that day and the three days I didn't have to go to work after that.

So there's my review. I give the Ballectomy it 1 3/4 balls out of 2.

Coming Soon!
Review of Kurosawa's Seven Samurai. Finally got this classic on DVD, after watching it so many times on VHS. Or with commercials. Yuck!